Project Potter
by David305
Summary: Dumbledore elected Minister! The Trio tapped to run a department! 7 books devised to re-introduce wizards and muggles! The trio try to rein in fan fiction! Continuity; Cliches; Powers; English. Chapter 6: Ginny's Treatise!
1. The Election

Project Potter  
  


Chapter 1

The Election  
  


[Summer 1996]  
  


Harry was sitting comfortably in the Weasley kitchen, enjoying a big breakfast with Ron, Hermione and Ginny. The Weird Sisters were singing their latest song ("Bewitched, Bothered, Hexed and Transfigured") on the Wizarding Wireless, and Mrs. Weasley was gently tapping her foot to the music while using her wand to reinstall the refrigeration charm on the cold cabinet. "A witch's work is never done," she murmured cheerfully.  
  


Fred and George sauntered in carrying their brooms. "Harry, Ron, when you're finished -"

But just then the music stopped and an urgent voice on the radio said, "We interrupt this program to take you to the Ministry for Magic in London." With puzzled looks, the twins propped their brooms by the door and sat down at the table.  
  


"This is Cornelius Fudge, the Minister for Magic," the radio proclaimed. Harry and Ron both made a face, and one of the twins snorted. "Recent events have come to light that have made it clear that, indeed, You-Know-Who has returned."  
  


"Bloody well about time," Ron interjected. His mum shushed him.  
  


"As this turn of events would seem to be beyond my capacity as a peace-time Minister, I have decided to resign my position and call for elections." His last few words were nearly drowned out by cheers in the little kitchen. "I have with me Ophelia Payne, Registrar of Magical Elections. Since this is an urgent matter, it has been decided to proceed with a vote immediately. All wizarding citizens of the British Isles who are age 17 and above will receive a ballot." To Harry and Hermione's surprise, three pieces of parchment materialized in front of Fred, George and Molly Weasley.  
  


"By now, you should have your ballot," Ms. Payne's dignified voice intoned, both from the radio and faintly from the parchments. I would urge anyone in transit to stop and find a place to sit privately; those on wizarding trains, however, need not stop."  
  


"Brilliant deduction," Ron smirked.  
  


"At this time, nominations and volunteers will be accepted for the position of Minister for Magic. Please write these, with quill or wand, at the top of the ballot page. If you are the person nominated, you may refuse the nomination by crossing your name out." The parchments were displaying her words as she spoke, word for word.  
  


"This is better than closed-captioning," Hermione said. Harry nodded, while Ron looked puzzled. "I'll explain later," Hermione whispered.  
  


Everyone waited with bated breath as nothing happened for over a minute. Then a signature appeared on the parchments: Lucius Malfoy. Sputters of protest erupted all around. Another name materialized: Dedalus Diggle. George said, "That old crackpot?" A long, tense minute passed. Then another name: Albus Dumbledore. The kids all cheered, and Molly Weasley laughed with relief.  
  


After a further pause, Ms. Payne said, "Nominations will be open for one more minute." The minute passed with unbelievable slowness and tension, but no further signatures appeared. Ms. Payne said, "We will now proceed to the vote. As the right of secret ballot is guaranteed by the Magical Elections Act of 1783, you may erect a privacy charm at this time to protect the secrecy of your ballot and guarantee your rights."  
  


"The right to be mental, she must mean!" snickered Fred, and everyone else smiled. No-one at the table bothered to erect a charm.

"There are three ways to register a vote," Ms. Payne proclaimed. "First, you may place your wand upon the name on the ballot as it is read aloud; second, you may raise your wand in the air and say 'Votum'; third, you may place the index finger of your wand hand on the signature and say 'Votum.' Those few people with handicaps that make these actions impossible will have received special ballots with instructions printed. We will now proceed to the vote."  
  


Harry looked around the room at his friends. He had never before considered that an atmosphere of tension could be so positive and joyful. At the Dursleys, it always meant trouble.  
  


"Lucius Malfoy." The twins both erupted with a raspberry noise. Molly looked annoyed but remained silent.

"Dedalus Diggle." Rolled eyes.

"Albus Dumbledore." Three wands rose in the air, and three voices said "Votum!"  
  


For the next minute Harry thought he would burst. He knew who he expected would win, but the uncertainty made his neck ache.  
  


"The votes have been tabulated," Ms. Payne said.  
  


"So quickly?" said Harry.  
  


"Magic," Ron said, with a wave of his hand.  
  


Ms. Payne then read the results: "Lucius Malfoy, 212; Dedalus Diggle, 2; Albus Dumbledore, 59,580." Whoops and cheers broke out in the kitchen; even Molly joined in. "The results are official: Albus Dumbledore is the new Minister for Magic."  
  


"Why so few votes for Malfoy?" asked Hermione.  
  


"Well, be fair, even his friends don't like him," said Ron.  
  


Fudge's voice came back on: "I would like to pledge my full co-operation and assistance to the incoming minister."  
  


The WWN announcer returned: "We now go to a floo connection with Minister Dumbledore at Hogwarts."  
  


"My dear friends," Dumbledore's kind voice began, "I would like to thank you all for your confidence and support. I hope to prove worthy and I humbly accept. I have always preferred devoting my life to magical education, but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. As Lord Voldemort has indeed returned, the wizarding world must respond and protect itself. I will be asking for an increase in the defense budget and an immediate expansion of auror training; and I will be calling up reserve and retired aurors to help us.

"I gladly turn over direction of Hogwarts to my most able Deputy Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, who has all my confidence - subject to approval by the board of governors, of course. My intention is to make my service at the ministry temporary, rather than the usual ten-year term; and return to my duties as headmaster in a few years if possible. And if they'll have me back. Meanwhile, I promise my friends at Hogwarts that I'll be up to see them with great frequency, never fear. This is only because I would otherwise miss them; I have not the slightest doubt of Minerva's inestimable talent and ability.

"Lastly, I wish to say that we must all be courageous and stand together. If we can but try to do this, we cannot fail. And just a few more words: Ointment. Instinct. Thrombosis. Sprawl. Thank you all."  
  


The kids all grinned; they had come to expect such eccentricities from Dumbledore. Harry looked a little distant. Hermione caught his eye. "What's wrong, Harry?"  
  


"Well - I mean, I'm certainly glad Dumbledore is minister; I mean, who could do it better? But I have the odd feeling that we'll be a little less safe at Hogwarts. He always seemed to know just about everything that was happening there; McGonagall..."  
  


"Isn't quite in the same league, I know," Hermione finished frankly. "And she doesn't have quite as humorous and forgiving a nature; but I'm sure she'll do fine, you'll see!"  
  


"It isn't just that," Harry said. "The only reason Dumbledore would ever leave for London was all-out war. So I guess this means - that's what we've got." The mood of cheerfulness broke a little; the gathered friends realized that Harry was right.  
  


"Well, who knows where any of us will be two years from now - let alone a decade," grinned Fred. "Besides, He-Whose-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated isn't going to be brought down this morning, or probably even this week. So meanwhile -"  
  


"How about a game of Quidditch?" finished George.  
  


"Yeah!" chorused Ron, Harry and Ginny. Hermione just smirked but got up with them.  
  


"Have fun, dears," Molly said, as she waved her wand clearing the table, and the kids marched out the kitchen door with brooms in hand.  
  


"I just thought of something," said Ginny, as they all headed out. "If McGonagall becomes Headmistress, she can't really be head of Gryffindor any more; it would be too partisan."  
  


"Who could we get?" Asked Hermione.  
  


"Maybe Remus would agree," Harry said, scratching his head.  
  


"Ooh, that'd be wicked, Harry!" Ron crowed enthusiastically. "Finally, a head of house who really takes our side on things besides Quidditch!"  
  


"Well, don't assume," Harry replied, "We can only hope. Now: Who needs a broom?"  
  


[End Chapter One]


	2. The New Department

Project Potter  
  


Chapter Two 

The New Department  
  


[Late 2002]  
  
  
  


"Hermione, are you on that confuter again?"  
  


"Computer, Ron. You know that Dumbledore has asked us to keep looking for ways to prevent any damage to 'Project Potter' until the ministry is ready for its public declarations."  
  


Ron and Hermione were in the new electronics center; he usually preferred to leave all these gadgets to her, and to the other muggle-born and muggle-raised wizards and witches who knew about them. But of necessity, Ron had begun to learn the confusing world of "confuters." This center had been Dumbledore's brainchild, but the trio had been tapped to bring it to fruition.   
  


When Dumbledore and Harry had finally succeeded in defeating Voldemort in Harry's 7thYear, three things were obvious: Voldemort would be back; Wizards could no longer hide their world from the muggles; and Dumbledore would have to remain in the job of Minister for Magic for a while longer than he'd hoped, to make his vision come to pass.  
  


Wizards were too small and parochial a society, and the medieval reasons (witch burnings and persecutions) for their segregation and secrecy no longer made sense. Dumbledore read muggle newspapers and books, and believed that the Wizarding world should at last end their centuries of hiding and make allies of the muggles. The only way to do this would be to introduce them to each other gradually - through culture and media exchange.  
  


It was one of Dumbledore's more brilliant ideas (and that was saying something) to have Harry's life story turned into an appealing series of novels and eventually movies, and make them into muggle bestsellers and blockbusters. An unusually clever muggle-born witch, writing under the name J. K. Rowling, was assigned to work with Dumbledore, Harry and his friends, to create a series of books that would have broad appeal to the non-wizarding world, and help create an atmosphere where they could lift the veil and re-introduce the two worlds to each other. After all, they had so much to offer one another, once their silly prejudices could be put to rest; and together they would have the strength to defeat the dark forces, which would be hard for either to do alone. 

(The Death Eaters were evil and powerful - but their biggest weakness was their blind spot. In their derision and dismissal of all things muggle, they had almost no appreciation for the power of a grenade launcher - or a TV network. Dumbledore always said the Nazis had made the same fatal mistake by rejecting Einstein and his so-called "Jewish science" - and that foolish prejudice had made certain that they could never develop the atomic bomb.)  
  


The real trick would be to convince the other wizarding governments to go along with the scheme. Dumbledore cleverly deduced that, as it is always easier to ask for forgiveness than to get permission, the British Ministry of Magic should proceed in secret without them, though perhaps in tandem with the Americans. Once the books were published in the English-speaking world, and no riots or persecutions resulted, there might be translations to all the other languages that would be just as helpful. It all worked even better than Dumbledore planned.  
  


Soon, Harry Potter was nearly as famous in the Muggle world as he was among wizards. Thanks to shared royalties the trio were all now very well off. The only trick, for those wizards and witches who dealt with muggles, was to remember two versions of his story: the up-to-date one they had read in the pages of the Daily Prophet, and the gradually-released literary one, which muggles got from books and films.  
  


Harry took this all with customary good grace and humor. This was made much easier for him by learning glamour charms, which made it possible for him to go anywhere in disguise and not be recognized unless he wanted to be. His scar never faded entirely, but a bit of makeup and longer hair helped to cover it up. The only ones who balked at all this were his real muggle relatives, who were actually not named Dursley. They were easily threatened, however, by the exposure to public awareness of their real names. When they saw the first book and realized that as bad as they had looked, it didn't half describe the awfulness of their abuse - they agreed to stay completely silent.  
  


Dumbledore had created the secret Department of Muggle Relations in 1998, two years after becoming Minister for Magic. He knew that the trio should eventually run it: Hermione, by dint of her fantastic attention to detail; Ron, thanks to his excellent grasp of strategy, and Harry, as a natural leader and visionary with wily instincts, to keep the broader perspective in focus. They were ideal in another sense: Hermione had grown up with loving muggle parents, and was well-connected and terrifically well-informed in both worlds; Ron was from a pureblooded family who nevertheless had great affection and respect for muggles; and Harry had been raised in a muggle family who had abused him out of fear, hatred and ignorance, which he idealistically hoped to cure rather than punish.  
  


But for five years, Dumbledore had put Arthur Weasley in temporary charge, while the trio were sufficiently trained. He gave him free reign to draw the best and brightest from other departments in the ministry who could help the project. That's how the electronics center had been created - by bicultural wizards brought in from other departments, who were even more familiar with modern muggle gadgets and devices than Hermione and Harry were. For the first time, there were electrical connections, telephone lines, and internet access within the ministry - all subtly enhanced by magic. Arthur was in raptures of delight every time he saw it all.  
  


Now it was the end of 2002, and the trio were getting ready to become the co-directors of the department early in the new year. Arthur was to be promoted to Deputy Minister; Dumbledore dearly hoped that he could be groomed for Minister in another five years, so he could return to Hogwarts. With the second film just out, and the fifth book soon to follow, the development of the new secret department was proceeding on track. The literary and cinematic work (still nicknamed "Project Potter") was already being dwarfed by the extensive department that had sprung up around it; but it was still the leading priority. Once the seventh book was published, the new department would be revealed to the Wizarding world, and the reality of the wizarding world itself would soon thereafter be revealed to the muggle world.  
  


"Look, Ron," said Hermione, "Harry is gonna be back from lunch soon, and I'd rather you didn't mention this until I've got it better nailed down."  
  


"Got what better nailed down?" came Harry's voice from the doorway.  
  


"Oh, rats," muttered Hermione. All right, come on, I'll show you both." She opened the laptop in front of her, drew her wand, and made its display appear in a much larger screen on the wall. "You remember the discussions we were having six months ago about fanfiction?"  
  


"Come on, Hermione!" said Ron. "We agreed to leave it be, that it was relatively harmless. We haven't the time to worry about it now."  
  


"No, go on, Hermione," Harry interjected, "what's the problem?"  
  


"It's just that it's got so huge! Watch this." Harry and Ron's eyes started to glaze over. There were about 700 new chapters on the Harry Potter topic on fanfiction.net alone.  
  


"That's remarkable, Hermione," said Harry.  
  


"That's just today," she said softly. Harry's eyes bugged out and Ron made a low whistle.  
  


"So - that's good, isn't it?" asked Ron. "More 'positive publicity for the wizarding world,' as Dumbledore always calls it. "I mean, even the bad stuff helps carry the message that wizards are mostly benign. We agreed that even if some of it embarrasses us, we ought to give it a more or less free hand to develop on its own."  
  


"Don't worry, I still agree with that in principle," said Hermione. "It's just the size and scope of it all. Fan Fiction is now hundreds of times the size of the Rowling canon. And it's growing exponentially, so soon it'll be thousands. These authors are no longer just taking off from the four current books - they're adapting and borrowing from each other. We tried to paint a certain careful picture of the wizarding world - warts and all - and now it's getting rather - well, muddied with wild theories and irrational assumptions.

"I've talked it over with Arthur. He agrees with me that while we shouldn't become censors, it couldn't help to offer some anonymous guidance, to try to nudge some sanity back into it all. After all, there are fanfics that are making us look stupid, or degenerate - which has the opposite effect of why we created Project Potter to begin with."  
  


"Hermione," said Harry, "the reason for the project was to lay the groundwork for a department. The Muggle Relations department is like an embassy to the muggle world. If they perceive us to be meddling, it'll set us back."  
  


"Honestly, give me a little credit!" said Hermione hotly. I'm not talking about meddling! Just suggesting! These muggles post their stories anonymously. So can we! We can create stories that depict us as characters talking about how we dislike being misrepresented.

"We'd set up a story that lets us - er - editorialize a little. Then we can tackle our primary pet peeves. Mine is continuity; Ron's is clichés; Harry, yours is powers. If we each spend a few days reading fanfiction, and start keeping a log of the misrepresentations and exaggerations and just plain nonsense that are most glaring, we can weave them into the story - and then present it as coming from a muggle writer with editorial skills who merely wants to see better writing. That way nobody will suspect that it's really coming from us."  
  


"Do you really think it'll work?" said Ron.  
  


"Don't worry," said Harry. "It'll work. Maybe even too well! We need to try not to be too self-conscious," he grinned, arching an eyebrow. "And we should be careful not to make it too slick; so much of that fanfiction is junk, something of real clarity and quality might stick out too much."  
  


"Stop being paranoid, Harry," said Hermione. We aren't going to post this until we've all reviewed it and run it past Arthur. Together we'll see to it that it's not too brilliant, but gets our point across. Besides, some of the fanfiction really is brilliant; you'd almost think it came from the Project."  
  


"Okay, where do we start?" said Ron.  
  


"By turning your laptop on, Ron!" Harry smirked.  
  


"Oh, yeah," muttered Ron, turning red.  
  


The three friends spent the afternoon reading fanfiction on several sites, and making notes. Every so often they would exclaim their surprise or disgust out loud, but mostly they just sat staring at their screens, clicking keys and moving mouse pointers. Even Ron had become quite proficient, once he'd overcome his technology shyness and computer illiteracy.

At a few minutes to five, Harry logged off and shut down his laptop, rubbing his eyes and getting to his feet. "Come on, you lot; that's enough for one day."  
  


"Ooh, I'll say," said Hermione, "so much of it is rubbish that I'm getting a headache."  
  


"What annoys me is, why would someone write a Harry Potter story that's not about Harry Potter?" said Ron.  
  


Harry turned a bit red and grinned. "I'd just as soon not be the sole representative of the wizarding world, thank you very much! But as to Hermione's point: The careful writers avoid clichés and make fewer serious errors. And they're more able to write real stories that make us human, rather than some kind of .. god. So for the purpose of this short project, I suspect we'll actually glean more useful material from the rubbish than we will from the good stuff."  
  


"I know," said Hermione, "pity, isn't it? It's like looking at treasures among the trash - and having to take home the trash!" Both young men laughed. They yawned and helped each other up. After two more days of this, they would have to write their story. How to begin? Ah well, that was for another day.  
  


[End Chapter Two]

  
  



	3. Hermione's Treatise: Continuity

Project Potter  
  


Chapter Three

Hermione's Treatise on Continuity  
  


For her chapter, Hermione's gifts as a nit-picker came out to shine like bright stars. She was a little less forgiving of gross errors than her friends, as mental discipline and carefulness were more precious principles to her. Indeed, when Harry and Ron read her analyses, they were shocked at how many of these things they never even noticed in fanfiction stories. As ever, they were impressed by her powers of observation, and even perhaps a little annoyed - because they had so often been the bug under her microscope themselves.

Hermione alternately smiled and frowned with grim determination as she wrote out her chapter. She wanted to be a force for thoughtful self-control and self-criticism, while not being too much of a dry academic. She had always loved trivia and details, but her years since school had made her more humane and forgiving of human weaknesses, including her own. She hoped that her sharp points didn't come off as being too severe and pedantic. But she was scrupulously careful to seem like a devoted and observant reader, rather than an "insider."

Her greatest reward came when Arthur read her work. Many times he laughed aloud, saying, "Yes, well, very good, very good." She beamed each time. For her pseudonym, she decided to use a scrambled version of her name that combined the virtues of grace and harmony, which secretly made her feel lovely and musical.  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Corrections of Some Common Errors in Harry Potter Fanfics

(Some Observational Tips from an old editor for Authors)

By Grace Harmon  
  


"Continuity" is a major issue in film-making; sometimes part of a scene must be re-shot months later, and it is critical that, for example, the characters are wearing the same clothing and have the same hairstyles as they did in the other parts of the scene, or in adjacent scenes. When too many of these things are "off," the sense of "suspended disbelief" is damaged, and the audience loses interest. Similarly, authors of fiction frequently plot out an elaborate back-story that never actually makes it into the final work. They do this so that they can flesh out a vision of the universe they've created, and keep it consistent within itself. Good authors are usually also good researchers: they don't want wrong facts or sloppy thinking to detract from the reader's commitment to their story.

When we write within the Potter universe, it is helpful if we don't contradict already known facts. Whether from science, geography or canon, known facts anchor us to a common reality. Departing too far from that common reality makes your work seem to lack credibility to the informed reader. If you seem to have failed to pay attention to these well-known details, your reader will very likely lose patience with you and your story. You're certainly entitled to depart from the stories we all know - but you'll need to provide a good rationale for doing so, and you can't be oblivious to the expectations of your audience. If you don't write for your audience as well as yourself, you soon will have an audience of one.

The following are just a few hints, culled from viewing hundreds of Hogwarts/Harry Potter fanfics where these mistakes were common. They're only mentioned because they seem to be so commonly or widely misunderstood. No attempt is made to be exhaustive or definitive.

(The expression "Canon" means the written works of J. K. Rowling. That is, if it ain't canon, it ain't official. Don't assume it's true just because it has been repeated in a number of Fanfics; e.g. JKR has never called Prof. Sprout "Flora," even though a number of fanfic authors have.)  
  


Carriages: One of the commonest errors goes something like: "Malfoy stepped out of the Slytherin prefects' carriage." Or, "Ginny's saving us a carriage." A carriage is like a car. It is very unlikely that the Slytherin prefects would have a whole railway car to themselves; nor that little Ginny would save a whole car for the use of four people. A carriage is, however, divided into a number of compartments. These are like little cabins, usually seating six (3 facing 3) with a moderate amount of privacy. (I.e. a sliding compartment door with a blind.) In Europe, first and second class train passengers usually get to sit in compartments, while third or coach class sit in open cars/carriages (i.e. not compartmented).

It's usually U.S. or Canadian writers who get the terms confused: in North America the term "carriage" is usually reserved to mean a baby carriage (what a Brit calls a "pram," short for perambulator) or the rarer "horse and carriage," and the now-obsolete typewriter "carriage return." Train rides are shorter in Europe; in North America it can take days to cross the country - so short-term seating is usually in coach style cars, while longer journeys are made in very small private rooms that have swing-down beds (in "Pullman Cars"). Semi-private compartments are much more rare on North American trains.  
  


Violence: Nothing in canon suggests that Uncle Vernon has been physically violent with Harry. The implication that he is and has been is out of character. He is a bully, and emotionally abusive; his character is decidedly ugly; but he is apparently careful not to cross the line into beating. (He may threaten and bluster, but no blows so far.) He has dragged and pushed Harry, not hit him. If you want to draw Vernon as a batterer, you'll have to provide the rationale and the transition, because it doesn't come from JKR.

(More under Underage Magic)  
  


Boats: Only first years get to ride the little boats from the train station in Hogsmeade to the castle. All others (2nd-7th years) take the horseless carriages.

If you want to portray a higher-year transfer student taking the boats, you need to provide the rationale ("Dumbledore wants all new students to arrive by boat," said Hagrid).  
  


Towers: There is no "Slytherin Tower." The Slytherins live in the Dungeons. According to some, the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws ascend from the Great Hall, while the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs both descend. (Note that in Book 4, after the Goblet chooses Harry as the 4th Tri-Wizard Champion, Harry climbs the marble steps, while Cedric goes down the stone steps.)  
  


Dungeons: Likewise, Potions class is in the Dungeons, but not in the "Slytherin Dungeons." Apparently the dungeons are extensive, and have different areas.  
  


Bathrooms in the dorms: There is no evidence in canon to support the notion that bathrooms are part of or adjacent to each dorm room. (That's called an "en suite" bathroom, or part of the living area - as in most modern motel rooms.) Like in most older buildings, it would be reasonable to expect bathrooms to be at the end of the hall, serving all the dorms on the floor - or otherwise centrally located rather than private.  
  


Girls' and Boys' dorms: Canon is fairly explicit in suggesting that the girls' rooms and boys' rooms (in Gryffindor, at least) are accessed by separate staircases - i.e., one can't go from girls' to boys' rooms without descending to the common room first.  
  


Accents: Hagrid does not speak like a Cockney (dropped H's, as in "'arry" or "'ermione") or like a Scotsman ("och, laddie"). His dialect is more like a broad Northern England accent (yeh, ter, summat). (If you don't know or can't do the accents, you're better off skipping them than botching them.)  
  


Blood: The most bigoted purebloods may look down on everyone else - but their class distinctions are not interchangeable. Muggles are not the same as Mudbloods. A Muggle is a non-magical person. (E.g. the Dursleys.) A Squib is a non-magical person descended from Wizards. (E.g. Filch.) A "Mudblood" (always an offensive or "fighting" word) is a magical person with Muggle parents; the more neutral term is "Muggle-born." (E.g. Lily, and Hermione.) A "Half-blood" has one Muggle and one Magical parent. (E.g. Voldemort and Seamus.) These are not equivalent terms.  
  


Hogwarts' location: It is not identified as being in Scotland in the four canon books - but it is sufficiently placed there by the charity book on Fantastic Beasts: the colony of giant spiders (or acromantulas) is mentioned as being in Scotland; and unless the Forbidden Forest is across the border in England somehow, it is fair to assume from this clue that the Forest, Hogsmeade and Hogwarts are all in Scotland.  
  


Surrey: It is a shire (or county) South of London. Most of it is not part of the London suburbs. (Only the northern towns, such as Epsom and Banstead, are really close up to Greater London. Most of the shire is fairly rural, [even woodland in places,] extending well to the South and Southwest. As Harry has never been to London until Hagrid takes him, it's fair to assume that Little Whinging is not close to London.) Along its Southern border with West Sussex, one finds Gatwick Airport - and that's a good hour's train ride into Victoria Station. The idea that a car trip from (fictional) Little Whinging to King's Cross could be made in ½ hour (or even an hour) is not realistic - especially as King's Cross is on the north side of London, and Little Whinging could well be in far south Surrey. (Now on a broom, it might be different!)  
  


Points: One might question whether a prefect can take house points from another prefect; as equals, they would probably have to go to a higher authority, such as a teacher. (E.g. can Prefect Hermione take 10 points from Prefect Draco for insulting other Prefects? I doubt it.)  
  


Blaise: Some writers seem convinced that Blaise Zabini is a girl. It's true that there is never a "he" or "him" used in canon to describe this minor character. But there is no evidence from literature, history or experience that Blaise is ever a girl's name. Blaise Pascal, French philosopher and mathematician, is a good example of its use as a French male name. (Confusion might have been made with Blaze, as in Blaze Starr - but that's different.)  
  


Underage Magic: The restriction is only lifted when a witch or wizard "comes of age" - which is 17 years old in the wizarding world. It's taking liberties to have Harry et al do spells outside school until they're 17. Exceptions: broom flying, potions brewing and magical plant growing or animal handling do not usually require the use of spells or wands. (Also, theoretically, apparating, and the animagus transformation - if one wants to assume Harry and friends learn how early.) The Ministry seems only able to catch actual spells. (Remember the letter from Mafalda Hopkirk of the Improper Use of Magic Office in Book 2: Dobby's hover charm is easily mistaken for a wizard's spell.)

Defensive Underage Magic: Many fanfic authors depict Harry using accidental magic to defend himself, and then being warned/punished for this "infraction." But unless I am much mistaken, we are told that self-defense (like other emergencies) is in fact a valid excuse for magic outside school! (Harry does not have to suffer unending persecution. HP is not a tragedy; give him a break.)

This is among my biggest objections to those fanfics that depict Vernon as a physical abuser. It boggles the mind that the authors portraying violence to Harry don't give him more credit for intelligence; if anything was a sufficient emergency that justified the use of magic out of school, it should be obvious that physical violence was! Harry would have to be a moron (or suicidal) not to protect himself. "Why did you use magic?" "Vernon was about to beat me up again." "Oh, OK; and by the way, Vernon, you're under arrest." If you can't prove that Harry is incapacitated (by depression, blackmail or something else) that makes him unable to lift a finger to defend himself, the Underage Magic Clause is no good reason to permit abuse. (See Violence)  
  


Hedwig: Definitely a female owl. Calling Hedwig "him" proves you've not read even Book 1 carefully.

Owls generally: They are all predators and carnivores; most live on rodents. They are a subgroup of the raptors, which all have sharp beaks and sharply-clawed toes. Maybe some owls wouldn't mind a bit of toast - but my guess is they'd always prefer the bacon given a choice.  
  


Harry's scar: Canon books give no suggestion as to its color; though a few fanfic authors seem to think it is green. A green scar would be a sign of a very serious infection, possibly gangrene. It is not reasonable to extrapolate a green scar from green eyes. A normal scar is skin-shaded, though often one or two shades off from the surrounding skin. (The book covers show beige, brown and red, and in several locations. But cover art is not canon! JKR does not say.)  
  


Starting day: Hogwarts Express and welcoming feast seem always to occur on Sept. 1, regardless of the day of the week. Perhaps this is chosen for an astrological reason; nonetheless, it doesn't appear to be a negotiable date.  
  


Prefects: While we did not get to know many other prefects besides Percy and Penelope yet, those familiar with British boarding schools suggest that it is a mistake to assume only one prefect per house. From 5th to 7th year, there are typically two prefects per year: one boy and one girl. Thus, 6 prefects per house, and 24 in total. Out of the 7th year prefects, two are chosen to be Head Boy and Head Girl. (Harry's parents were head boy and girl together, and both were Gryffindor, according to JKR.) Remember that Percy was 5th year when Harry began his 1st; and he said, "I'm a prefect," not "I'm the prefect." That JKR didn't name all the other prefects was not due to their non-existence, but only because it wasn't important for the story.  
  


"Animagus" is the singular, while "Animagi" is the plural. It's based on the words "magus" and "magi." (Pronounced May'-gus and May'-jye in English.) Magus is Latin (from Greek, from Old Persian) for magician or sorcerer; hence animagus = animal + wizard.

The Animagus transformation requires neither spell nor wand. Animagi (according to Sirius, describing in book 3 how he escaped from Azkaban) have a simpler mentality when in their animal form. Thus imputing sophisticated reasoning or communication (beyond that of a highly intelligent animal) contradicts the testimony of Animagi in canon themselves.  
  


Train Station: The northern terminus of the Hogwarts Express is at Hogsmeade Station, not Hogwarts Station. It seems to be adjacent to the village; students take either the boats (1styears) or the horseless carriages up to the school. While never explicitly stated, the village seems to be a short walk from the school; perhaps 15-20 minutes or about a mile. But they aren't adjacent.

Students do not remove their trunks and other belongings from the train. Those items are brought up to the castle for them. Who does it and how are never stated explicitly, though it's not far-fetched to assume that the house-elves manage it - probably with magic.  
  


Names: With a few exceptions, most witches and wizards in the Potter books have at least one odd name. It could be the first or last; for instance, Susan or Ron aren't peculiar, but Bones or Weasley are. McGonagall and Black are reasonably normal names - but Minerva and Sirius are quite distinctive. Albus Dumbledore, Dedalus Diggle and Newt Scamander are examples of both names being unusual; Harry Potter has perhaps the most deceptively normal name of all.

Wronski: In Polish as in German, the W is pronounced like a V. Hence the sound would be more like "Vron'ski."

Plants: A lot of the females have flowery or plant names: e.g. Lily, Petunia, Pansy, Lavender, Narcissa, Poppy, Violet (the Fat Lady's friend), etc. Street names are also floral (Privet, Magnolia). A few authors who don't know that privet is a flower have surmised it is an alternate spelling for private. Uh-uh.  
  


Classes: The students of the same house and year (e.g. Gryffindor 5th-years) will take all their required courses together at the same time. Required courses include Charms, Potions, Transfiguration, DADA, Herbology, History of Magic, Astronomy, and Care of Magical Creatures. It makes no sense to have Ron and Hermione discussing the differences in their schedules - except for the electives (e.g. Runes, Arithmancy, Divination, etc.) - unless it is established that one has been placed in a different year or house, or that a special intensive academy has been set up, with a distinct curriculum.  
  


Shared classes: For the first four years, Harry's Gryffindor year has shared Herbology with the Hufflepuffs, and Potions with the Slytherins; and for two years, Care of Magical Creatures with the Slytherins. No mention has been made of classes shared with the Ravenclaws. There's no compelling reason why these shared classes can't change, but also no good reason why they would. So if a fanfic author wants to pair the Gryffindors in different combinations, he/she would have to offer a plausible reason for making the change. Also, there is no evidence from canon that one year shares classes with another year. Again, one would need a very good reason to do so.  
  


The Dursleys' Fireplace: It was boarded up and replaced with an imitation electric fireplace. In Chapter 4 of Goblet of Fire, Arthur Weasley (plus Fred, George and Ron) flooed to it - and had to bust it open from the back, in order to emerge and pick up Harry. After Harry and the boys flooed back to the Burrow, Arthur had to reverse the toffee engorgement charm, and then undo the damage to the fake fireplace, putting it all back in place - before apparating back to the Burrow himself.

A number of fanfic authors seem to ignore these facts, and start using floo to 4 Privet Drive. They could suggest that - but only if they tied up the loose end. (I.e., Vernon must have decided to remove the fake fireplace and start using the real one.) If you don't explain why, then you can't use the fireplace. You can't floo in or out of a fake electric fireplace!

(One more thing about floo powder: some authors have everyone using it. But most capable adult wizards prefer to apparate. Usually, it's the underage or less able who need to floo. After all, except for Hogwarts, you can apparate pretty much anywhere - but you can only floo from one fireplace (on the floo network) to another. Able adult wizards seem to use floo or portkeys only when accompanying underage youngsters.)  
  


Summer Holidays/Vacation: Too many fanfics describe the summer vacation as being three months. While this may be true in the US, it isn't in Canada or Britain. Typically, American schools are over before the 10th of June; Canadian, before the 20th. But schools in Britain finish their term at the end of June or beginning of July. So summer holidays in Britain are two months long, not three. (This is partly made up for by the fact that Christmas and Easter holidays in Britain are much longer.)  
  


Spelling: It is understood that not everyone is a perfect speller; that's why God invented spell-checkers. However, misspelling the names of major characters in the HP series (and doing it repeatedly) is a major faux pas. You will quickly lose your readers if you show so little respect for their favorite characters. Spelling is mostly observing: you just notice how something is normally spelled, so you conform to the norm. If you have failed to notice how the names of major characters are spelled, and keep mis-spelling them ("Hermonie, Luscious Mafloy, Magonigle, Dumbeldoor, Hedgewig, Author Weasely, Serverus, Sirus, Pavarti, Pheniox, Voldermont" are only some of the offensive mis-spellings) you will be assumed to have simply not paid attention to the canon novels. Since these names are repeated hundreds of times, it's not a particularly unfair assumption. Even non-Hermiones will tune you out (i.e. go on to the next fic) if you can't correctly spell the main characters. (PS: if you misspell a main character's name in the summary or title, many will never even bother to open your story. I just saw one called Herry Potter. Duh.)  
  


Writing a Name Backwards: The only reason the device of using a backwards name and description for the Mirror of Erised worked was: because it is a mirror! So things appear backward in it! Get it? g (The inscription on the Mirror of Erised reads backwards: "I show not your face but your heart's desire.")

Calling any old thing or person by a backwards-spelled name (Rettop Yrrah and his pal Yelsaew Nor, for example) is a tired and overworked device - and meaningless unless it can be linked (either subtly or obviously) to the concept of a mirror image.  
  


Summaries, Editing: Spend a few minutes to come up with a positive, descriptive and enticing summary. How not to have anyone read your opus? Just say, "It's not very good, but read it anyway!" or "I suck at summaries, but please read!" Or "I promise it gets better later!" Or "It's really not like all the other fanfics with the same description!" If that's true - then write a different description. If you can write a worthwhile story, you can also write a worthy summary.

And if it's not a very good story, then wait a day and rewrite it till it is! You do not have to post a story immediately, just because you have stopped writing and don't have anything else to say at the moment. Always let a creation sit for a while, digest it, come back to it and re-examine it. You are not writing under a deadline; the only reason to post immediately is that you refuse to believe it can be improved (which is arrogant). There's a saying, "No work of art is ever finished; it is merely abandoned." Try to touch up your baby a bit before you abandon it, okay?

I am a writer; I've been published in periodicals for many years. I am also an editor. As good as I am at both, I can't always see my own work objectively, and I need an editor myself. Unless you are Shakespeare, (and maybe even if you are,) so do you. Try to accept the corrections of others not as a rebuke, but rather as a helpful suggestion. The silliest thing for any author is to take every word they write as sacred and unchangeable. Deleting or changing your words is not like killing your kids - even if it seems that way at first. You will do yourself and your work (and your reader) an enormous favor if you regard everything you write as "open to revision." JKR does.  
  


Cheers,

Grace Harmon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


When she was finally done, Hermione got up and brushed her hands together as though trying to shake off dust and grit. Perhaps more than the lads, she had a feeling of cleaning a dirty bathroom or kitchen. And more than they, she felt the need to keep going back to her treatise, and polishing it and revising it just as she had suggested to her intended readers.  
  


When he'd read it over, Harry told her: "You never revised our essays with that kind of exactitude!"  
  


"Oh yes I did!" Hermione replied adamantly. "You just don't remember! Up till fifth year you and Ron came up with all manner of drivel in your writing. I kept hammering to do your research, to think before you write, and to always apply logic to your points. In fifth year you started to do that with some consistency - so I got to stop nagging you."  
  


"We do owe you a lot of credit for the improvement in our scholarly habits, Hermione," said Ron. "I'm sure I haven't told you this enough lately - but I appreciate your gifts! Ol' Eagle-Eye!"  
  


"Thanks, Ron!" she answered, rather touched.  
  


[End of Chapter 3]


	4. Ron's Treatise: Cliches

Project Potter  
  


Chapter Four

Ron's Treatise on Clichés  
  


Ron loved good fiction - but became purple with annoyance when a plot device got worked to death. His biggest pet peeve was clichés; and he would slam a book down and stomp around in irritation when he felt his intelligence was being insulted.

Unfortunately, he could not do this with the laptop from the Project! Instead, he had magicked a little electronic wand that he could click with the mouse pointer. He would aim it at the author's name and shoot off a little projectile of pixels that would explode the name in a flash of sparks! It wasn't as dramatic as slamming down a book, but it still gave him some feeling of satisfaction.

Ron wanted to use a clever pseudonym for his chapter: Rowan Ermine. (The ermine is the name given to the weasel when it is in its white winter coat.) But Hermione and Harry convinced him to use a more average name. He chose Rob Wilson, which was still close enough to his own name to be clear to those who knew, but "average" enough to be unobtrusive.

He constructed his lists with terrific gusto, often shouting out, "Aha!" and "Gotcha!" Harry thought he was being a bit like a crusader, but decided to keep his peace and let Ron have his fun.  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every Trick In The Book:

My List of Hackneyed Throw-Away Harry Clichés

(from HP canon and fanfiction)

By Rob Wilson  
  


In the Classical Greek Theatre, there was a device called "Deus ex Machina," literally "God out of the machine." When a situation was too difficult for any hero to fix, Hey presto! A god would pop out and create miracles and everything would be fine again. Even those Greeks who still believed in those gods grew tired of the device; it became clear that this was lazy playwriting. The same applies to clichés in literature: if you've painted yourself into a corner, then maybe you are better off starting over and using things like "plot" and "story" and "character development" to rescue you from the corner instead of yet another levitation charm.

There's no limit to the new situations the same three people can get into. So why keep dragging them into the same tired situations? Eternal recurrence is one of the definitions of hell; if you were one of your characters, you'd want something new to happen in your life too! Too many predictable situations turns your characters into stick figures or puppets. Real life flows, is unpredictable and often messy; the more your characters deal with original realities, the more your readers will enjoy and recommend your work.

I list these clichés with some trepidation, because I know some will use them as a "treasure trove" to recycle. I wouldn't say "never" use these ideas; after all, some of them originate with JKR herself, and some come from some very clever, original and even brilliant fanfics. Indeed, some of these cliché situations could be rewritten in a new twist that would produce a delightful surprise. But where some were clever the first time, and amusingly familiar the second or third time - they turn magically into three-day-old fish after that; and they start to stink about as much.

Just tread lightly and remember that if it's not only unoriginal but also overdone, it can quickly become tiresome, even infuriating. Three-year-olds want their stories to be the same every time, and become upset when they aren't. But as we grow, we learn to accept change, and even look for new ideas as a good thing. Just remember that if these ideas are already worked to death, and if you can't put some new "spin" on them, you're better off going back and rewriting, or opening your mind and heart till an original idea fills it.

There is no limit to the creative imagination; it's the nearest thing to magic most people have. Better a simple original idea that comes from the heart, than a mere reworking of someone else's flashy plot device.  
  


  
  


Situations:

Harry is alone and misunderstood - abandoned and hated by the whole school.

Someone you'd least suspect turns out to be in league with the bad guys.

Harry does something both noble and stupid at the same time.

Harry counts off the seconds to his birthday (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) when BAM! Five owls arrive with letters and gifts; or, Harry disappears.

A girl is nice to Harry, and he becomes dumbstruck.

Magic folk meet Harry, and immediately flick their eyes to his scar.

Harry visits Hogsmeade, and overhears something crucial in the Three Broomsticks.

Harry goes flying to clear his mind.

Harry plays a quidditch game; someone does something sneaky and underhanded - but Harry wins anyway.

Harry decides to pull away from his best friends, so they won't be in danger - but it's too late.

An American female transfer student comes to Hogwarts, and she and Harry become a couple.

Harry dreams of Voldemort; wakes up with scar hurting; after some initial resistance, he writes to/goes to Dumbledore.

Harry repeatedly dreams of/relives the "Kill the Spare" incident; gets increasingly depressed and angst-ridden; blames himself for Cedric's death.

Harry discovers an ancient prophecy that proves he is destined to vanquish Voldemort.

Harry discovers a new power.

Harry demonstrates a new power to his friends/teachers, and they faint - repeatedly.

Harry discovers a spell that will hide his "magical signature," so he can practice magic outside school without getting in trouble.

Harry uses accidental magic outside school to defend himself, and gets warned/punished - forgetting that self-defense is a valid excuse.

Harry runs off yet another dark creature with his impressive Patronus.

Harry encounters yet another wizarding custom that is quaint, medieval and a little ridiculous.

Wizarding law and bureaucracy turn out to be even more draconian / arbitrary than the muggles'.

Harry becomes a magical animagus (phoenix, unicorn, dragon, etc.) that proves how powerful he really is.

All the founders and Merlin visit Harry in the middle of the night on his birthday to awaken his powers; he grows a foot taller and long hair, and his eyes start glowing.

Harry is taken to Mt. Phoenix/the Past/a secret castle/another dimension/the land of the elves; and trained to be an elemental / War Mage / Lord of Light / Phoenix Lord / Elf / shapeshifter; he is now the most powerful magician in history.

Harry discovers that the Dursleys have been handsomely paid by Dumbledore to keep him - and so now he blackmails them.

Harry turns out to be vastly richer than he thought - but he doesn't want it.

Harry plays chess with Ron, losing spectacularly but cheerfully.

Harry hears Ron complain about poverty, wishes he could share his fortune, but says nothing because he knows Ron is too proud to accept his help.

Voldemort makes a deal with the dementors; they deliver him his followers, and he gives them Karkaroff and some muggles.

Voldemort has Harry in his clutches - but rather than kill him outright, he gloats. Naturally, this gives Harry time to plan an escape.  
  


  
  


Relatives:

Uncle Vernon threatens ineffectually; champions false values.

Aunt Petunia is a hypocrite who spies on the neighbors.

Petunia screams at Harry to wake up, and go downstairs to cook Dudley's breakfast.

Dudley is compared to a "baby killer whale."

Dudley's appetite proves his undoing.

Dudley throws a tantrum, breaks a toy; his parents appease him.

Aunt Marge visits and is impossibly abusive; the family keeps up the ruse of St. Brutus' Secure Center.

Lily and James argue / hate each other, but unaccountably fall in love.  
  


  
  


Friends:

Hermione goes into a tizzy over how much studying they need to do.

Hermione slaps Draco; Ron and Harry are impressed.

Ron calls somebody mental.

Ron is asked to become a great strategist because he is so good at chess.

Ron exhibits astounding ignorance over something very ordinary in the muggle world.

Ron holds out hope that the Chudley Cannons (last in the league) will suddenly turn winners.

Ron & Hermione love each other, but can't admit it; Harry contrives a way to bring them together.

Ron & Hermione quarrel; Harry says they sound like a married couple; they blush.

The twins plan a clever prank; flash an evil grin.

The twins discover that Sirius and Remus are Padfoot and Moony; beg to be apprenticed.

Molly Weasley is stern to the twins one second, and solicitous of Harry the next.

Molly lectures the kids to "behave this year" as they're about to depart on the train.

Molly sends Harry a Weasley sweater and homemade fudge for Christmas.

Arthur Weasley shows an inordinate and inappropriate fascination with a very ordinary muggle product, and is glared at by Molly.

Arthur steps aside, to prove again that Molly wears the pants.

Percy is pompous and driven; he plays kiss-ass to a superior.

Bill is cool and a babe-magnet.

Ginny gulps and turns bright red with embarrassment.  
  


  
  


Staff:

Dumbledore twinkles obliquely.

McGonagall is stern but fair.

Snape harasses Harry grotesquely and unfairly.

Hagrid drinks a little too much, and accidentally reveals a secret.

Hagrid's class, and some "harmless" monster attacks a student - oops!

"Professor Lupin! What are you doing here?"

"Call me Remus; I'm not your professor any more."

Trelawney predicts Harry's imminent demise.

"I wonder who's teaching DADA this year?" (Hope it's not Snape!)

Prof. Binns drones on, putting the class to sleep; says one relevant thing, waking them up; then puts them to sleep again.

Filch skulks around, thinks he's caught Harry - but is thwarted.

Madam Pince shrilly demands silence - even though the library is empty.  


  
  
  


Others:

Voldemort holds an audience and tortures somebody.

Sirius almost catches Wormtail, just misses.

Lupin is wise but hapless.

Lupin looks tired and haggard.

Dumbledore or Sirius or Snape or someone has a (grand)daughter who suddenly shows up, gets sorted as a Gryffindor 5th year, and falls in love with Harry.

Dobby gushes annoyingly.

Dobby reveals too much, and proceeds to punish himself viciously.

Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle interrupt and hassle the trio in their train compartment.

Malfoy reveals repulsive prejudice and hauteur.

Lucius does something vicious, sneaky and cruel.

Pansy's a bitch.

Crabbe and Goyle guffaw mindlessly.

Colin is swept away in a paroxysm of hero-worship.

Colin takes photos at an embarrassing moment.

Lee Jordan does very biased quidditch announcing, then apologizes to McGonagall.

Cho Chang either erupts in tears, or blames Harry for Cedric.

Lavender and Parvati idolize Trelawney; act giddy.

Neville is either clumsy, or far more inept than his classmates.

Neville loses Trevor, his toad.

Rita Skeeter lies, exaggerates and misinterprets - embarrasses Harry before all wizarding Britain.

Fudge acts the slimy politician, while denying what's before his very nose.

Stan Shunpike still calls Harry Neville.

Mr. Ollivander is manic and a bit spooky.

Old Tom grins toothlessly.

Viktor is surly and scowls.

Mrs. Figg is revealed to be a powerful witch/auror/member of the old crowd/Harry's godmother.

The house-elves are scandalized by attempts to treat them decently.

Slytherins are conniving; Gryffindors headstrong; Hufflepuffs naive; Ravenclaws aloof.

A centaur makes an obtuse astrological pronouncement.

A goblin is humorless, mercenary and a bit sinister.

N. H. Nick acts petulant and morose over failing to join the headless hunt once again.

The ghoul in the attic at the Burrow rattles its chains.  
  


  
  


Animals:

Hedwig bites Harry's finger or ear affectionately before carrying off a letter.

Pigwidgeon flies around the room hooting madly instead of just delivering his letter.

Errol collapses in an exhausted ruffled heap upon delivering a letter.

Fang licks Ron's ears.

Buckbeak glares, is bowed to, and bows back.

The giant squid floats lazily in the lake, waving a tentacle.

A snake befriends Harry, and lets itself become a new pet.  
  


  
  
  
  


Things:

A house/car is larger inside than outside.

A mirror is snide, or offers fashion / makeup tips.

A trunk has multiple keys/compartments for the same space.

Staircases shift, and walls pretend to be doors.

A piece of parchment turns out to be enchanted, with special abilities.  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


Wild Conjecture (some attractive crazy ideas someone ought to use): 

Someone discovers they are magical later in life - and it turns out to be... Vernon!

Fudge grants a radio interview to convince the public that Voldemort has not returned. The interviewer turns out to be - Voldemort!

Voldemort is about to destroy Harry, when he picks up - one of Fred and George's trick wands!

Harry invents a "rebounding" spell - any violence or curse aimed at him, returns to the sender!

The twins prank Malfoy to talk like Tweety Pie, and Snape to talk like Elmer Fudd!  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Arthur was all smiles when he read Ron's chapter. He had a few minor suggestions, but mainly he kept saying "That's my boy!" Ron was predictably pink-eared.  
  


Ron was a little nervous when Harry read his chapter. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you with all this stuff, Harry. If it were me, I'd be a bit sore to have all this said about me."  
  


Harry was typically generous: "I don't blame you in the slightest, Ron. You're the messenger, not the perpetrator. You just told it like it is. And I've developed a much thicker skin since the days of Rita Skeeter. Besides, who says I didn't grow a foot taller overnight, and get glowing eyes?" Both young men snickered. "Anyway, whenever did you hear about Tweety Pie and Elmer Fudd?"  
  


"To tell you the truth, Harry, one of the nicest things about the Project's electronics and media center is the cable TV connection. I've become a bit of a cartoon addict in my spare time. I think it's one of the most magical things the muggles do!" Harry nodded. "I didn't want to mention it, because I'm supposed to be this chess-playing geek who is oblivious to the muggle world. But, hey, we're all about puncturing stereotypes now, eh?"  
  


"I suppose so, Ron. I particularly liked your wild conjectures at the end. Now, here's my contribution to make one of them even wilder: Let's say that every wizarding home and office has a glass case near the entrance that has a wand in it; and it has lettering on it that reads "In case of Voldemort, break glass." When you do, and grab the wand, Voldemort uses the Expelliarmus curse on you to disarm you, and then tries using the emergency wand against you. And THEN it turns into a Rubber Chicken Portkey!"  
  


Ron giggled for a while. "I can think of three or four things wrong with that idea logically - but it doesn't matter, I'm crazy about the image in my head! Thanks for the chuckle!"  
  


[End of Chapter 4]


	5. Harry's Treatise: Powers

Project Potter  
  


Chapter Five

Harry's Treatise on Powers  
  


Harry attacked his subject with relish. Long before he knew he was a wizard, he had loved every film, TV program and story that had to do with magic: the Sword in the Stone, Bewitched, the Wizard of Oz, Sabrina, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and so forth all grabbed his attention, while Dudley was only interested in them as long as there was "action."

In a way, Harry had developed some expertise on "special powers" even before he knew for a fact that he had any. He never had money to buy superhero comic books with, but he would read them standing in the shops, and could tell you in detail what special powers every one of them had. It was one of the weird things about him that Vernon and Petunia found so irritating.

But as a "connoisseur of powers," so to speak, Harry was alert to the same thing Ron and Hermione were: internal consistency and logical possibility. Just as his invisibility cloak didn't make him pass through walls, for instance, he knew by instinct that Superman's X-ray vision was not limitless - or else he'd see through everything and therefore see nothing. Harry wasn't sure if he was creative or talented enough to write for those magical comic books and TV shows, but he knew one thing: if he ever did, he would know how to keep them in character! He knew that giving those heroes a new power to get them out of a tight spot was not "playing fair." Like everyone else, they had to use what they had - and a good storyteller would still find a clever way to help them triumph.

Harry nearly used the pseudonym "H. J. Porter" but realized it was dancing on the edge of the cliff. Instead he went for complete obscurity, keeping only the initials. Having had enough attention for ten lifetimes, he was quite glad to be anonymous for once.  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Magical Powers

by Herbert Prince  
  


Essentially, all super-hero stories and much science fiction and mythology deal with "magic," in one form or another. It has been shown that even quite "normal" people can pick up some unusual gifts, such as distant viewing or psychic perceptions. But the more "powers" characters have, the more unapproachably fictional they become.

One of the endearing aspects of canon Harry Potter is that he has so many of the fears, weaknesses and failings of a normal person, while still rising to the occasion and becoming a hero in spite of himself. Think of Harry as a magical Everyman - everything happens to him, he's a vortex who inadvertently draws to himself these amazing people and adventures; he has horrible luck punctuated by wonderful luck; he has experienced every negative and unattractive emotion, but still possesses a fundamentally good heart. His specialness is more that he is blessed and cursed with an interesting life! And not that he is Superman. His greatest blessing is that he is loved.

If you give Harry (or others) too many of the powers below, you risk turning him into a god - or a parody. Harry himself doesn't want the adulation and worship, as he has often pointed out. See if you can restrain yourself from making him too powerful; let your story be powerful instead!

(Don't get me wrong: I enjoy quite a few of the "super-powerful Harry" stories; some are brilliantly imaginative. I always wonder, Can they pull it off? A few do; but most become overdrawn, letting the "wow" factor replace good story-telling.)

Magic is one essential factor in a good Harry Potter story. But so are humor, adventure, mystery, sensitive character portrayal, astute social observation and parody, and moral principles. JKR even sprinkles in some mythology, pathos and horror, and this deft weaving together of virtually all literary genres is why she owns mansions and millions, and we don't!

Still, it is good to follow her lead in this as well. While magic and fantasy are indispensable to Potter-fiction, over-reliance upon it can make it flat and two-dimensional. Even authentic ancient grand master war mages have to take a day off.  
  


So here are some of the magical powers I could identify; if you can think of more, let me know!  
  


  
  
  
  


Control of Self:  
  


Invisibility

changing appearance, adopt disguise

flying & levitating

weight loss and gain

becoming tiny or huge

freeze time but stay active / super speed

shield of protection

invulnerability

clone self / bilocation

immortality  
  


  
  
  
  


Control of Others:  
  


mind control; implant a thought

cloud or illumine others' minds

read others' minds

merge with another's mind

illusions / sleight-of-hand

induce terror, doubt, forgetfulness, silence

transport someone to another dimension

healing

disease or death ("Avada Kedavra")

pain ("Cruciatus")

puppet control ("Imperius")

impairment (leg-locker, jelly-legs, full body bind)

put others to sleep

rebounding spell / cause any violence or curse to return to sender

control genies

speak with animals & plants

use music and sound to alter consciousness and direct energy

mass influence / speak to the inner ear

touch someone (shake hands) leaving behind a timed charm

be charming

enter others dreams and intervene

force others to tell the truth  
  
  


  
  
  


Control of Objects:  
  


conjure/materialize objects

transmute matter/objects from one form to another

focus power through gems

"apple-pie order" / house tidying, spring cleaning

create wealth / multiply riches

imbue object with a timed radiant spell

self-preparing potions / dinners

virtual photography

make objects light or heavy

make objects large or small  
  


  
  
  
  


Control of Nature:  
  


seamlessly direct natural forces (i.e. the untrained eye cannot tell it is magic)

Summoning Windstorms

start/stop earthquakes

divide water

warming/cooling/rain repelling/noise silencing globe

virility / fecundity

Return (restore any spell back to a prior state)

conquering death

divide nothing into two equal but opposite somethings

erect magical wards and energy fields

dream of reality and intervene  
  
  


  
  
  


Mental Perception:  
  


mind reading / seeing through another's eyes

absorbing knowledge from a book without reading

premonition

distance viewing

sensing energy fields / reading auras / perceiving energy patterns at a distance

x-ray vision

predict the future (imagine an inner tv with time dials)

telepathy

symbolic visions

contact gods and ancestors

humor

see invisible creatures / beings

spy on a sealed room in visions

play personal chess (i.e. stay 14 moves ahead of others)

hear distant conversations  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


"Gee, Harry, if you had a tenth of all those powers, you really would be the greatest wizard of all time!" mused Hermione.  
  


"I've fantasized about writing a fanfic where a character has every one of those powers, just to show how silly it can get!" smiled Harry.  
  


"Ooh, get this," said Ron, "a fanfic where Harry Potter has more powers than God, and God is jealous!"  
  


"Now I do feel embarrassed, Ron. Though I reckon I probably shouldn't. You know the old saying that if enough monkeys had enough typewriters, eventually one of them would type Shakespeare? Sooner or later, someone will probably write Ron's scenario!" Hermione nodded; Ron was about to ask what a typewriter was, but bit his tongue.  
  


[End of Chapter 5]


	6. Ginny's Treatise: Bad English

Ginny's Chapter

  
  


As work on the project continued, Harry, Ron and Hermione were drawn into many other areas of interest, leaving their first pet project - taming the wild jungles of fanfiction - to assistants and secretaries. But when Ginny was hired to join the project, she was asked to look back in on the fanfiction effort to see if anything further could be accomplished.

Ginny was particularly astounded at all the little errors in English composition that she saw in Harry Potter Fanfiction. When she made her first report, she asked the trio, "Are you sure that these are all native speakers of English?" The trio insisted that this was so, and she was astounded. Harry asked her why she was so surprised. It turned out that Ginny had never met a native speaker who used their own language with so little grasp of its rules.

The difference between muggle-raised and wizard-raised children was again made apparent. Ginny and Ron knew things about magical children that Harry and Hermione could only guess. Ginny asked Harry, "Did it ever occur to you that you had a quicker grasp at things like spelling, grammar and punctuation than the other kids you grew up with?

"Oh, yeah," said Harry. "It was as though the first time I was introduced to rules of spelling or grammar - even the irregular forms - I seemed to already know them; and once taught, I never forgot them. In fact, I scarcely even had to be taught how to read; I just seemed to pick it up."

"The same with me," said Hermione. "Of course, my parents read to me a lot, and taught me to read long before I attended school - but I was always ahead of even the brightest kids when it came to reading and writing. Oh - and I picked up French without even trying."

"That's how it is for all magical children," said Ron, and Ginny nodded. "We are born with an innate sensitivity to symbols, writing, and patterns that is far greater than Muggles have. Most wizarding children pick up reading immediately, often at the age of two or three. Even the dull ones! We're also better at picking up other languages, learning different alphabets and sets of symbols, and in some cases, even establishing rough communication with other species."

"Haven't you wondered," Ginny added, "why there are no classes in English at Hogwarts? That's because they aren't really needed. Wizard children tend to pick up proper English skills with automatic facility, and any training can be mastered in the elementary years. Same with other languages; if you need them, you'll learn them easily. The reason Ancient Runes is featured, is because it's a magical alphabet with innate powers, combined in intricate formulae - not because it's merely another alphabet."

"Well, Ginny, I believe we've all been uncomfortable about the dreadful errors in English that we've seen in fanfiction," said Harry, "but we didn't have the time to approach the subject. And when the development of the Muggle Affairs department got off the ground, we had to leave it for another day. Your first mission - if you decide to accept it -" (Hermione grinned, as this was a well-worn bit from an old American TV show) - "will be to develop a concise list of the most common writing errors spotted in fanfiction stories. If you can show examples of both the correct and incorrect forms, it'll be even more helpful. We can't replace what parents and schools failed to teach, but we can help some people who earnestly want to write to improve their communication skills, and use their language more effectively in aid of their stories."

"I'd enjoy that," said Ginny, "but I wonder: how will helping Muggles improve their grammar, spelling, and so forth, aid wizard-muggle relations?"

"Every story in the 'Potterverse' is a kind of link," replied Hermione. "There are two problems with faulty composition and grammar skill: first, it can communicate the wrong thing; and second, it can turn off the reader. Lots of people who would be entertained by fanfiction, and would thus be enlightened about our world, end up being turned off and driven away by the bad English they find there. It's like they can't get past the errors; something about them offends their sense of proper expression, just like hearing a pidgin or creole of a language. They have a hard time giving the writer or speaker any credibility, because the expression seems uneducated - even primitive."

"So even if the story is good, if the English is laughable, the reader can't be bothered!" said Ron.

"Got it!" said Ginny. "Where shall I start?"

"We have a magically expanded office for you, right next to the tea room!" Harry smiled.

  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Common Writing Errors In Fanfiction

By Virginia Wilson

  
  


Fanfiction is a kind of self-publication. Unlike other kinds (such as "vanity publishers"), most fanfiction sites don't employ editors to weed out errors. Even the best writers need editors, because it is very hard to be objective about their own work. And if a writer makes a habitual mistake, he can't edit it because he doesn't recognize that it is a mistake.

Many of the most frequent errors are called "homophones." Those are words that sound the same, but have different spellings and different meanings. There's another class of commonly confused words, called "homographs": those are words that have one spelling, but two different pronunciations with different meanings (e.g. bow, lead, read, row, sow). Together, homophones and homographs are called "homonyms." While there are lots of other common mistakes, homonyms are among the most frequent errors because they can be so tricky.

Even some good writers make these mistakes; but making a lot of them can turn off your readers; they'll assume that you do not understand proper English usage, or they'll misunderstand your point because it is obscured by confused usage. Spell-check programs won't catch most of these errors, because homophones are still perfectly good English words. You can learn the differences by being an active reader; and you may notice the differences in usage from the context of the sentence. 99% of proper grammar, spelling and choice of the correct one of homophone pairs may be learned by observation. Those who often read for pleasure, and are highly observant, are most likely to learn the rules of writing on their own.

  
  


The following errors are not merely regional variants (such as gaol/jail; tyre/tire etc.). They are incorrect English everywhere. They are listed because they show up in fanfiction repeatedly, not just once or twice - which suggests that they are widespread misunderstandings. The first usage in italics is the correct one; the second (in parentheses) is incorrect.

  
  


I. False familiars:

  
  


One and the same (not One in the same)

  
  


Once in a while (not Once and a while)

  
  


I should have been. (not I should of been)

[The contraction Should've is often misheard as "Should of." Similarly, there is no "would of" or "could of." Example: "I have been at the movies when I should have been at work."]

  
  


He's an only child. (not He's and only child)

  
  


We respect one another. (not We respect one and other)

  
  


Your guess is as good as mine. (not Your guess is as good as mind)

  
  


It's a brand new day. (not It's a bran new day)

  
  


They are definitely in love. (not They are defiantly in love) 

[Defiant means rebellious, contemptuous; definite means certain, clear, obvious.]

  
  


Hide lest you be discovered. (not Hide least you be discovered) 

[Lest means unless; least means fewest or smallest.]

  
  


He got up and put on his clothes. (not He got up and put on his close)

He got up to close the door. (not He got up to clothes the door)

[note: close is a homograph. Pronounced cloze (rhyming with hose), it is a verb meaning to shut or end ("close the meeting with a prayer"); pronounced close (s sound, rhyming with dose), it is an adjective which means narrow (a close space), nearby (close to the shopping center) or intimate (close friends).]

  
  


It's a letter from Mother. (not It's a letter form Mother)

  
  


His mood was due to the bad weather. (not His mood was do to the bad weather)

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. (not When in Rome, due as the Romans due)

[Americans are more likely to make this error than other speakers of English - because others usually pronounce due or dew like "dyoo"; while Americans often pronounce them as "doo."]

  
  


The library contains many heavy tomes. (not The library contains many heavy tombs)

The graveyard contains many marble tombs. (not The graveyard contains many marble tomes)

  
  


He barely paused. (not He barley paused)

[Barley is a grain, from which malt is made.]

  
  


We ate in the dining room. (not We ate in the dinning room)

  
  


She dragged her feet as she headed for bed (not She drug her feet as she headed for bed)

[Drug is never an acceptable past tense for drag, in any variety of English. To drug means either to use drugs, or to knock someone out with a sleep-inducing drug.]

  
  


*****

II. True Homophones

  
  


Is that your friend? (Not Is that you're friend?)

You're my friend. (not Your my friend) [You're = You are]

In days of yore (not In days of your)

  
  


All my loving was in vain. (not All my loving was in vein)

You can feel the pulse by touching a vein. (not You can feel the pulse by touching a vain)

The wind turned the weather vane. (not The wind turned the weather vain)

  
  


It's not too hard. (not It's not to hard)

That's to be expected. (not That's too be expected)

It's two o'clock. (not It's too o'clock)

  
  


Wait over there. (not Wait over their)

I am their father. (not I am there father)

They're my best friends. (not Their my best friends) [They're = They are]

  
  


The presents were carefully wrapped. (not The presents were carefully rapped)

He rapped loudly on the doorknocker. (not He wrapped loudly on the doorknocker)

The children sat in rapt attention. (not The children sat in rapped attention)

  
  


It could either snow or rain. (not It could either snow or rein)

Take the horse by the rein. (not Take the horse by the rain)

After his coronation the king began his reign. (not After his coronation the king began his rein)

  
  


He climbed to the mountain's peak. (not He climbed to the mountain's peek)

She took a peek through the keyhole. (not She took a peak through the keyhole)

A locked box will pique his curiosity. (not A locked box will peak his curiosity)

  
  


It is not open for debate. (not It is knot open for debate)

The shoelace was tied in a knot. (not The shoelace was tied in a not)

Their efforts were all for nought. (not Their efforts were all for not)

  
  


It gives me great pleasure. (not It gives me grate pleasure)

There was a coal burning in the grate. (not There was a coal burning in the great)

  
  


You aren't allowed in here. (not You aren't aloud in here)

Please read it aloud. (not Please read it allowed)

  
  


He woke up in a foul mood. (not He woke up in a fowl mood)

She raised chickens and other domestic fowl. (not ...other domestic foul)

  
  


I break the rules. (not I brake the rules)

I brake for animals. (not I break for animals)

  
  


The Queen gave her royal assent. (not The Queen gave her royal ascent)

We began our ascent up the mountainside. (not We began our assent up the mountainside)

[note: accent is not a homophone of assent and ascent. Accent is pronounced ak-sent, and means a dialect, style or distinct manner of speech, or a flavor.]

  
  


Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (not Absents makes the heart grow fonder)

The student has three absents just this week. (not ...three absence just this week)

  
  


The light shone in her eyes. (not The light shown in her eyes)

She was shown to her seat. (not She was shone to her seat)

  
  


The Queen sat on a throne. (not The Queen sat on a thrown)

The ball was thrown to the pitcher. (not The ball was throne to the pitcher)

  
  


He was in the throes of a coughing fit. (not He was in the throws of a coughing fit)

It's not often that she throws a party. (not It's not often that she throes a party)

  
  


It was to no avail. (not It was to know avail)

You should know better. (not You should no better)

  
  


She's been through enough. (not She's been threw enough)

He threw the ball. (not He through the ball)

  
  


Come over here. (not Come over hear)

Can you hear me? (not Can you here me?)

  
  


Don't let it go to waste. (not Don't let it go to waist)

She has a slender waist. (not She has a slender waste)

  
  


Greyhounds were bred for speed. (not Greyhounds were bread for speed)

The bread has gone stale. (not The bred has gone stale)

[Bred is the past tense and past participle of Breed.]

  
  


Radiation can't pass through lead. (not Radiation can't pass through led)

The path led past their house. (not The path lead past their house)

[Note: Lead is a homograph: two words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently, such as bow, row, read. Pronounced "led" it is a heavy, poisonous metal; pronounced "leed" it is a verb meaning to show or direct the way. The word led is the past tense of lead the verb.]

  
  


We've passed our exit. (not We've past our exit) [Note: It is right to say "We've gone past the exit." Past may be a noun or adjective; passed is a past-tense verb.]

You can't live in the past. (not You can't live in the passed)

  
  


He made a brief summary of his essay. (not He made a brief summery of his essay)

She wore a light, summery cotton dress. (not She wore a light, summary cotton dress)

  
  


The spell took time to wear off. (Not The spell took time to where off)

Show me where to go. (Not Show me wear to go)

  
  


Not every witch rides a broom. (not Not every which rides a broom)

Every which way but loose. (not Every witch way but loose)

  
  


He tried to wreak havoc and vengeance. (not He tried to reek havoc and vengeance)

You reek from garlic. (not You wreak from garlic)

  
  


What has God wrought? (not What has God rot?) [Wrought is the past tense of wreak]

The fish has begun to rot. (not The fish has begun to wrought)

(These are homophones in the US and Canada, but not in Britain, where rot has a shorter vowel than wrought. Similarly, cot/caught and not/nought sound the same in North America, while in Britain the latter sound more like cawt and nawt.)

  
  


A tailor can alter your suit. (not A tailor can altar your suit)

The priest knelt at the altar. (not The priest knelt at the alter)

  
  


It was more than she could bear. (not It was more than she could bare)

She only had the bare necessities. (not She only had the bear necessities)

[To bear means to carry, and its past tense is borne. Bare means naked, scant or exposed.]

  
  


He likes the beat of the drums. (not He likes the beet of the drums)

She turned as red as a beet. (not She turned as red as a beat)

  
  


They couldn't shift that heavy boulder. (not They couldn't shift that heavy bolder)

He was bolder after a few drinks. (not He was boulder after a few drinks)

  
  


The difficult task did not faze him. (not The difficult task did not phase him)

She changes with each phase of the moon. (not She changes with each faze of the moon)

  
  


A gentleman is always discreet about a lady's secrets. (not discrete)

It is hard to divide a gooey pastry into two equal discrete halves. (not discreet)

  
  


A wild boar was caught in the forest. (not A wild bore was caught in the forest)

The zoning board meeting can bore me to tears. (not The zoning board meeting can boar me...)

  
  


He could almost see the wheels turning. (not He could almost sea the wheels turning)

She spent a week at sea. (not She spent a week at see)

  
  


The widow spent six months in mourning. (not The widow spent six months in morning)

I wake up every morning at eight. (not I wake up every mourning at eight)

  
  


The potion was kept in a crystal vial. (not The potion was kept in a crystal vile)

A vomit-flavored jelly-bean would taste vile. (not A vomit-flavored jelly-bean would taste vial)

  
  


Our team has won again. (not Our team has one again)

Two shall be as one. (not Two shall be as won)

  
  


Hand me a piece of paper. (not Hand me a peace of paper)

We pray for peace. (not We pray for piece)

  
  


We pray for peace. (not We prey for peace)

The owl is a bird of prey. (not The owl is a bird of pray)

  
  


Don't know whether to sit or go blind. (not Don't know weather to sit or go blind)

The weather is cold for this time of year. (not The whether is cold for this time of year)

  
  


You can cross the country by plane in 5 hours. (not You can cross the country by plain in 5 hours)

The truth was plain to see. (not The truth was plane to see)

  
  
  
  
  
  


*****

III. False homophones

  
  


The sun in all its shining glory (not The sun in all its shinning glory)

The boys were shinning up the ropes. (not The boys were shining up the ropes)

  
  


I didn't know that. (not I didn't now that)

We get together now and then. (not We get together know and then)

  
  


She stared at the sky. (not She starred at the sky)

She starred in the movie. (not She stared in the movie)

  
  


She fussed over her sick son. (not She fused over her sick son)

The lightning's heat fused the cannonballs together. (not The lightning's heat fussed...)

  
  


The bolt of lightning struck the house. (not The bolt of lightening struck the house)

The sky was slowly lightening as dawn approached. (not ...slowly lightning...)

[Lightening with an E means to make something more light; it also applies to weight, hence "lightening their load." Lightning, the electric flash in a storm, should never have an E.]

  
  


He was scared by the noise. (not He was scarred by the noise)

He was scarred from acne. (not He was scared from acne)

  
  


She moped around the kitchen all morning. (not She mopped around the kitchen all morning)

She mopped the kitchen floor. (not She moped the kitchen floor)

[Moped, the past of mope, is also a homograph for moped, a small motor-bike that is started by pedaling - contracted from motor-pedal.]

  
  


I was hoping you would notice. (not I was hopping you would notice)

I was hopping on one foot. (not I was hoping on one foot)

  
  


Her mouth gaped in astonishment. (not Her mouth gapped in astonishment)

The mountain range gapped, allowing wagons to pass. (not The mountain range gaped...)

[One may refer to a "gap-toothed smile," though, which is one showing missing teeth.]

  
  


It's later than you think. (not It's latter than you think)

Choose either the former or the latter. (not Choose either the former or the later)

  
  


We planned a weekend trip. (not We planed a weekend trip)

He planed a quarter-inch off the bottom of the door. (not He planned...)

[A plane is a common carpenter's tool, used to scrape away excess wood. Plane is not commonly used as a verb to mean "To travel by plane," the way jetted is used.]

  
  


He was gripping his head in pain. (not He was griping his head in pain)

Grandpa's always griping about "kids these days." (not Grandpa's always gripping...)

  
  


He shuddered in horror. (not He shuttered in horror)

The windows were shuttered before the storm to protect them from wind damage. (not The windows were shuddered...) [A shudder is a convulsive, involuntary shake; a shutter is either a window covering, or an automatic device in a camera lens to allow in precisely timed light]

  
  


She regained her composure. (not She regained her composer)

He was a composer of nine symphonies. (not He was a composure of nine symphonies)

  
  


Don't wander off. (not Don't wonder off)

I wonder why? (not I wander why)

  
  


First eat your dinner; then you get dessert. (not First eat your dinner; than you get dessert)

She is older than her sister. (not She is older then her sister)

  
  


Get off the bus. (not Get of the bus)

The bird soon flew out of sight. (not The bird soon flew out off sight)

  
  


He wore new clothes to the dance. (not He wore new cloths to the dance)

Silk and satin are both fine cloths. (not Silk and satin are both fine clothes) 

[Cloths are unsewn pieces of fabric, like wash-cloths or dish-cloths; clothes are sewn garments.]

  
  


Be quiet and listen. (not Be quite and listen)

It's quite warm today. (not It's quiet warm today)

  
  


It's been a month since her birthday. (not It's been a month sense her birthday)

Dogs have a keen sense of smell. (not Dogs have a keen since of smell)

  
  


She was revealed to be a spy. (not She was reviled to be a spy)

Hitler was reviled as a genocidal maniac. (not Hitler was revealed...)

The winners reveled in their good fortune. (not The winners revealed...)

  
  


I accept my fate. (not I except my fate)

We're all ready, except for Mom. (not We're all ready, accept for Mom)

  
  


What have you got to lose? (not What have you got to loose?)

The big snake got loose. (not The big snake got lose)

[lose is pronounced looz; loose is pronounced looss]

  
  


The outlaw eluded the sheriff's dogs. (not The outlaw alluded the sheriff's dogs)

The judge alluded to the wedding night to come. (not The judge eluded to the wedding night to come)

  
  


The dam's bursting was imminent. (not The dam's bursting was eminent)

The eminent statesman made a speech. (not The imminent statesman made a speech)

  
  


A nasty odor emanated from the coffin. (not A nasty odor emulated from the coffin)

The boy emulated his hero's bravery. (not The boy emanated his hero's bravery)

  
  


Surely you jest! (not Surly you jest)

He had a cranky and surly disposition. (not He had a cranky and surely disposition)

  
  


I was curious about their customs. (not I was curios about their customs)

The shelf was full of knickknacks and curios. (not The shelf was full of knickknacks and curious)

  
  


You need to discuss your health with a doctor. (not You need to discus your health with a doctor)

He threw the discus in the Olympics. (not He threw the discuss in the Olympics)

  
  
  
  
  
  


*****

  
  


IV. Close Cousins

  
  


She raised her hand in class. (not She rose her hand in class)

She rose from her seat. (not She raised from her seat)

[Rise/rose/risen is what you do with your whole person or body: "I rise in support of the motion."; or "The sun had risen in the East."

Raise/raised/raised is what you do to a part of your body or an outside thing: "I think I'll raise that bet." As a noun, though, a "raise" in salary in North America may be called a "rise" in Britain.]

  
  


Lie/Lied/Lied: To tell a falsehood. He lied to the judge.

Lie/Lay/Lain: To recline or spread oneself horizontally, as on a bed or floor. I lay in bed till ten.

Lay/Laid/Laid: To recline a part of oneself or an object; or to produce an egg. She laid her head upon my chest; the hen laid three eggs.

[Notice that Lie/Lay/Lain is intransitive; that is, it takes no object, because one does it to oneself. Thus, The dog lay in the road. (not The dog laid in the road)

Notice that Lay/Laid/Laid is transitive; that is, it takes an object.

Thus, She laid the book on the table. (not She lay the book on the table)

So: The chicken lay upon the ground; The chicken laid an egg upon the ground.]

  
  


Her breath came more deeply as she fell asleep. (not Her breathe came more deeply...)

I told her to breathe deeply. (not I told her to breath deeply)

  
  
  
  


*****

V. Other Errors

  
  
  
  


A. Using Apostrophes

Apostrophes can be used for contractions or possessives. They aren't used in possessive pronouns, however: write yours, not your's; hers, not her's; its, not it's; ours, not our's; theirs, not their's; whose, not who's. (There's a different word "it's", but that is a contraction for "it is.")

"It's all yours."

"It's better for each pet to eat from its own bowl."

"Whose life is it, anyway?" (Whose means Belonging to whom.)

"Who's at the door?" (Who's is a contraction of Who Is or Who Has.)

  
  


It's a boy. / It's been a pleasure. (not Its a boy) [It's = contraction for It is or It has]

Everything in its place (not Everything in it's place) [Its is the possessive of it; no apostrophe.]

  
  


We introduced the Dursleys to the Harrises. (not ...the Dursley's to the Harris's) 

['s is normally a possessive or a contraction, not a plural. But-- We visited the Dursleys' - correct, because it is understood as a shortening for "the Dursleys' house." Note that in English, the plural of a possessive uses just a following apostrophe - not an extra s. So, it's the Dursleys' car and the Harrises' house - not the Dursleys's car or the Harrises's house.] 

  
  


I hope it meets your expectations. (not I hope it meet's your expectations) [no apostrophe: the 3rd person present verb adds an "s" but not a " 's ".]

  
  


I'll be seeing you. (not Ill be seeing you) [I'll is a contraction for I shall or I will; Ill means sick or diseased.]

  
  
  
  


B. Commas and Semi-Colons

  
  


A comma connects a sentence with a dependent clause. For instance,

"He lived in London, which was his birthplace."

Commas don't usually connect two distinct sentences, unless joined by a conjunction such as and or but:

"He lives in London, but he also has a country house in Surrey."

"Life is horrible, and it's over much too quickly!" - Woody Allen

  
  


Semi-colons are better for connecting two closely related sentences:

"Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield."

"I'm not a member of any organized party; I'm a Democrat." - Will Rogers

"I'm worried for you; being my friend can be dangerous."

  
  
  
  


C/ Know your irregular verbs:

bear/bore/borne

bid/bade/bidden

bring/brought/brought

buy/bought/bought

catch/caught/caught

choose/chose/chosen

come/came/come

do/did/done

draw/drew/drawn

drink/drank/drunk

drive/drove/driven

eat/ate/eaten

feed/fed/fed

find/found/found

fly/flew/flown

get/got/got(ten)

give/gave/given

go/went/gone

have/had/had

is-are/was-were/been

keep/kept/kept

know/knew/known

lead/led/led

leave/left/left

make/made/made

pay/paid/paid

read/read/read

ride/rode/ridden

ring/rang/rung

rise/rose/risen

see/saw/seen

send/sent/sent

sing/sang/sung

sit/sat/sat

spin/spun/spun

stand/stood/stood

take/took/taken

tear/tore/torn

tell/told/told

think/thought/thought

throw/threw/thrown

wear/wore/worn

wreak/wrought/wrought

write/wrote/written

There are dozens more; do a Google search for "English irregular verbs" and you'll see many good tables of them.

  
  
  
  


D. Homophonic phrases

  
  


It took a long time. (not It took along time)

They went along for the ride. (not They went a long for the ride)

  
  


These are just my everyday clothes. (not These are just my every day clothes)

Brush your teeth every day. (not Brush your teeth everyday)

  
  


He went away for a week. (not He went a way for a week)

There's always a way to get along. (not There's always away to get along)

  
  
  
  


VI. Other notes:

  
  


Alright is not a word (like already, altogether, almost or almighty). It should always be written as two words: all right.

  
  


Enormity: Most authorities consider the word as nonstandard for describing hugeness. The best synonym for gigantic size is enormousness. Enormity means a crime or offense of heinous, atrocious or monstrous quality. Hence, "The enormity of the 9/11 attacks."

  
  


Subjunctive Singular: It is more correct to use were instead of was. So:

If I were you, I wouldn't touch that wire.

If he were rich, he would still be stingy.

  
  


The simple rule for forming present participles or gerunds (-ing endings): 

If the vowel is short, double the ending consonant 

(thus lap/lapping, bet/betting, thin/thinning, hop/hopping, run/running); 

If the vowel is long, (usually with an "ends in e" form like take, cede, file, cope, cure), drop the silent e if there is one, and do not double the ending consonant

(thus mail/mailing, make/making, beat/beating, keep/keeping, teethe/teething, bike/biking, whine/whining, dine/dining, hope/hoping, use/using).

Those words which already have double letters (and thus usually short vowels) keep the doubling: hence amassing, distilling, messing, balling, selling, fluffing, buzzing - and also crashing, twisting, laughing etc.

(British English doubles the l in travelling, while American English prefers traveling with one l. Both British and American English, though, double the l in compelling, propelling, and expelling.) 

  
  


Agreement of multiple subjects and objects:

"He and I sent the letter to him and me."

Few phrases cause more trouble than multiples of mixed nouns and pronouns.

The rule is: use the subjective form for subjects, and the objective form for objects.

Don't get confused by the fact that they are multiples.

You say, "Can Billy and I stay for dinner?" not "Can Billy and me stay for dinner?".

(Break it down into the two implied statements: would you say, "Can Billy stay for dinner and can me stay for dinner?" Of course not.)

You say, "Please wait for Tom and me," not "Please wait for Tom and I."

(Break it down: would you say, "Wait for Tom and wait for I?" Of course not.)

If it's a subject, you should use "I, he, she, we and they." If it's an object, use "me, him, her, us and them." ("You" and "it" stay the same for both subjects and objects.)

[Regrettably, many students failed to learn this rule properly because teachers failed to correct them thoroughly. When they said, "Can Billy and me sit together?", teacher rolled her eyes and said, "It isn't Billy and me, it's Billy and I!" Not explaining that it's "Billy and I" only because they are both subjects. Thereafter, the badly-informed student thinks it always has to be "Billy and I" - as in, "Please hold the door for Billy and I." They don't realize that this is wrong - because I should not be used as an object in English. Had teacher helped them scan the sentence, the student would realize: "Please hold the door for I" is wrong, and sounds silly.]

  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
  


Hermione in particular was delighted with Ginny's essay. "I'm sure there are dozens more, which you can add later; but you've done a terrific job in identifying the commonest errors. The sad thing is, it's not just fanfiction. There's been a terrible decline in good editing in the last twenty years, even in muggle books and periodicals!"

"Mm" - said Harry, affecting a snooty tone, "it's so hard to find good help nowadays!"

Hermione smacked him lightly on the arm, but grinned anyway.

  
  


~End~

  
  
  
  



End file.
